The List

December 10, 2009

Every man (and many women) has “The List”. It’s a list of the people they are going to sleep with given the chance. Here’s the key weakness to them, however: they usually involve people that the guy has no chance of ever hooking up with. People like Angelina Jolie or Penelope Cruz may be on the list, but the man knows he’s going to spend the rest of his life fantasizing about it and nothing more.

But then there are those who have a different list. Their list is filled with possibilities. These are those women who might have been, but weren’t…yet still could be. From my honest friends and co-workers (their names changed to protect the truthful), I give you “The List”:

1) The Former Best Friend

Tom says, “Before I met my wife, I had this incredibly close female friend. We would hang out together all the time, and we just clicked. She made me laugh, and we always had fun together. It never go physical though. We’d go to the movies, out to dinner, even hang out at her place and watch TV, but we kept it cool.

“After I got married, this girl and I lost touch. As I looked back on our times together, I suddenly realized some of the things she’d talked about during our conversations. She’d casually tossed out hints about what kind of kisser she thought I’d be. She mentioned her past and a few sexual things she liked, and stuff like that. And for some reason, all of those conversations just zipped right past me until much later.

“Don’t get me wrong, I know we wouldn’t have been a good married couple. There were too many differences. But I always think of her as a perfect lover for me. We clicked on so many levels, I can’t help but think she would have been incredible. She’s married now too, but if the opportunity ever came, I know I’d give it a shot.”

2) The “Almost”

Frank said, “There’s this woman I was crazy about. The first time I saw her, I was in love and was sure this was the woman I was going to marry. I tried everything and she flirted with me all the time, but for some reason we just never got that connection. She eventually chose another guy over me and she’s married now with two kids, but I see her all the time. She still looks good for a mother of two, even all these years later.

“Every time I see her, I still feel that connection that might have been. If she ever has a fight with her husband that’s one of those ‘I’m leaving for the night’ kind of fights, I hope I’m the one she comes to see. We may not last more than a night together as a couple, but I’m sure it’ll be the greatest night of my life.”

3) The “Forbidden”

David says, “I have a girl in my office who is an intern. She’s 23 and has the most perfect body I’ve ever seen. The thing is I’ve known her and her family for years. Her father is a friend of mine and even though his daughter’s all grown up, he’s still protective of her.

“There was a time last year when the girl and I really started talking. She mentioned dreams she was having about me (nothing sexual) and the more I talked to her about everything from books to music to life in general, the more I realized how much I wanted this woman. Of course, I don’t think my wife would approve, and I know I’d lose this girl’s father as a friend forever. Even with that, I see this girl and know that if the opportunity ever came up, I’d take the chance.”

4) The Freak

Mike says, “My wife isn’t into sex. She was a virgin when we got married–her idea–and I just trusted she’d get into the swing of things. Unfortunately, she didn’t and we have the most vanilla sex ever. On the rare occasion that it happens, I swear it’s like a script and no matter how hard I try to get her to try something just minutely different (like being on top) she just gives up two seconds into it and we’re back to ‘the usual’. I want a half hour of foreplay, whereas her idea of foreplay is to say, ‘All right, let’s get this over with.’

“Her best friend, on the other hand, is a freak in bed. She tells my wife all about how she wants it all the time, but her husband never does (the stupid moron). I encourage my wife to spend time around this girl in the hopes that some of her libido will rub off on my wife. Instead, as my wife tells me what this girls mentions, I’ve found myself fantasizing about my wife’s friend. The funny thing is that I dated her before I dated my wife, and now that rubs salt in the wound because I realize I could have had this ‘acrobat in the sack’ if I’d just stayed with her. I never slept with the woman though, and that just makes it worse.

“I realize now that my wife will probably never change and every story her friend tells her won’t pique her interest in trying something new. Instead, I think about this woman all the time, and think about how she’s just as frustrated as I am. I try to spend time with her when she’s with my wife and test to see if our connection is still there when my wife’s not around. I love my wife dearly, but sex is a big part of any relationship and she’s just doesn’t accept that. If there was any way for her friend and I to get together and satisfy each other’s needs on a regular basis, I wouldn’t hesitate to do it. The way I see it, we’d be helping both of our spouses because they don’t want to do it, and they wouldn’t have to anymore. We’d be taking care of each other.”

So there you have it. It’s not really pretty, but you can sort of see a trend. A passionless marriage/relationship is one that is ripe for an affair. Of course, you can’t blame it all on a passionless partner. The guy has to keep his mind away from the “forbidden fruit” and realize that the more he thinks about it, the more likely he is to act on it.

Is there anything wrong with having “the list”? Well, being truthful (as my blog title implies) I imagine everyone has that list, even if they don’t realize it. Subconsciously we are attracted to people. Just because you get married doesn’t mean you never find anyone else attractive! Even the most faithful husband still finds that temptation to watch a tight sweater as it goes by. But the key is to fight the temptation.

At some point, I’m going to write a post on the after-effects of an affair on a relationship. For now, let me just say if you aren’t happy in the relationship, instead of throwing it all away for one night with a “list person”, move on. It’s better for both of you.

“Fun” Dating Games

October 10, 2009

Previously I wrote about those fun games you can play as a married couple. Now I think it’s time to mention those fun games you get to play when you’re still dating. It’s such a magical time in a relationship, and there’s so much that can go wrong–if you plan it right!

1) What Are You Looking At? speed-dating

This is a fun one! You’re sitting there talking to this hot girl on a date that you think is going pretty well. Eventually you notice her gaze keeps drifting from your eyes to another part of your face. It could be your teeth, it could be your nose, it could be your forehead or cheek…all you know is she’s looking at something!

Now you become paranoid. Do I have something in my teeth? Did a zit suddenly pop up somewhere on my face? Is there a booger hanging on my nose?

This is where the fun part sets in. The fast and easy way to handle this is to just get up and go to the bathroom to check it out. Of course, who likes the easy way? Instead, you drink something and swish it around in your mouth hoping to clean your teeth, or you lean forward and cover your cheek with your hand, or you try to signal the waiter and when she looks away you wipe your nose for all you’re worth.

How do you win this game? You don’t until you get up and check it all out. The fun part of this game, however, isn’t playing it, but making someone else play it. Next time you’re on a date that you want to get out of, just casually glance at her nose a lot. When she picks it up and excuses herself to go to the restroom, you pay the check and bolt!

2) Guess Who!3589463

You talked to her at the party and have her number. You’ve waited long enough and decide to place the call. This is the one, you’re sure of it! You call her up and she answers with an uncertain “Hello?”.

“Hey,” you say in your most sexy cool voice. “It’s me.”

A pause. Then an uncertain, “Hey, you. How are you?”

Now you are faced with a dilemma. It’s obvious she doesn’t know who in the world she’s talking to right now. Should you enlighten her, which makes it obvious you didn’t make that big of an impression on her? Or should you keep talking and act like it’s her fault and she should catch up quickly or you’re gone.

This is one of those rare games that isn’t fun for either party. If you’re the caller, you have suddenly been dealt the biggest blow to your ego imagineable. If you’re the call-ee, you are stuck with this awkward moment of trying to remember if this was the cute one you talked to while you were sober, or did things go really south after you started drinking?

3) The Great Escape

speed-dating-1aYou’re on a date with this girl you know from work and it’s apparent things are not going well for you. She’s into you but there’s just something about her that isn’t clicking on your end. Maybe it’s her laugh, or maybe it’s the way she eats, or maybe it’s how she chatters incessantly, but there’s something that demands you flee immediately. The problem is that you can’t be rude because you see this person on a regular basis and it would really make things awkward at work, or you’d have to change coffee shops, or something.

Now the game begins: How can you get away without making it look like you’re trying to get away? What excuse can you use that will sound reasonable without being impossible to back up with physical proof? You can say your landlord called because someone broke into your apartment, but what if she follows you there to make sure you’re ok? Sick grandmother? That might work unless she knows another member of your family or a close friend.

This can be a challenging game, but fun. Consider it a survival situation and you’re Survivorman. How can you use what’s around you to formulate that perfect, untraceable escape? It ain’t easy, but it’s doable.

4) Awkward Moments

There are so many of these on a date that it’s possible to play this game all night long. The only problem is that this game isn’t any fun at all. Instead, for every time you play this one you asleeping-in-lg-newutomatically lose one value point in your date’s eyes. Lose enough, and she’s gonna be screaming in someone else’s sheets tonight.

Maybe it’s that moment when you mention how you hate cats, then she says she has two at her apartment who are her best friends. Maybe it’s when you accidentally mention your ex-girlfriend…for the third time that night. Or maybe it’s when you try that joke that killed with your friends, but the second before the punch line leaves your mouth you realize it’s one of those “You had to be there” jokes and it’s too late to stop it. Whatever it is, it’s the moment when you both just sort of force a smile at each other and scramble desperately for another conversation thread to pull before it all crashes and burns.

However, the worst of these moments is the easiest to identify. You’re working your magic by candlelight and soft music in the bedroom. She’s moving beneath you like a wildcat and you wish you could take notes because of how awesome you are at that moment. You can see by the expression on her face that she’s there when suddenly she says, “Oh, god, Carl, YES! YES! YES!”

The problem is your name is Ted.

Instant lose. Game over.

Time, Time, Time…See What’s Become of Me

October 5, 2009

I was at Wal-Mart yesterday (carefully following the rules, by the way), when a woman zipped between the aisles and our eyes met. It’s one of those moments where you recognize something about the person, but not the whole person themselves. She stepped back out and it turned out she was a girl I had graduated with. Why didn’t I immediately recognize her? Well, she had a frumpy old woman hairstyle, frumpy old woman clothes, and a lot of frumpy old woman weight she didn’t have when we were in school together. After a few minutes, I realized, “Holy cow! She looks like my 8th grade science teacher!” Then a few seconds later, I realized “Holy cow! She’s older than my 8th grade high-school-reunionscience teacher was!”

“The years had not been kind” is what I guess I’m saying.

Now understand, she and I are the same age. We can see 40 on the horizon, but that’s still not too old. The difference is that somewhere along the line she aged 10 years more than she should have and turned into a 50 year old woman. What in the world happens to people?

Don’t get me wrong, she wasn’t a goddess in high school or anything, but she looked decent and took care of herself (she reminded me a lot of Marsha Brady). Now she looked like she was auditioning for a “Golden Girls” revival or something.

Man listening to womanI was hanging with some guys a couple of weeks ago and the discussion came up about age. When I mentioned how old I was, the others told me they would have never guessed it, but would have put me at late 20’s/early 30’s. That was a major compliment, as my wife is 8 years younger than me and the last thing I want is to be out somewhere and have someone say “Is this your daughter?” All you have to do is take care of yourself, right? Sometimes it’s good to say “No!” to that Twinkie!

So at which point does a person say “Ok, time to get old!” and suddenly think looking like an old school teacher is sexy?

One more true story: In high school there was this girl who was one year older than me. When she was a senior, she was absolutely the “hot girl” that everyone wanted. She and I were good friends and at one point she wanted to take it further, but I didn’t. She was hot, funny, nice, and had a great laugh. Want to know why I didn’t take it further? It was her mother.

article-1162347-03E8F85E000005DC-723_468x658I looked at this gorgeous girl and then I looked at her mother. The girl had long blond hair and amazing curves; her mother had a big bun of hair on her head and had long since buried any curves under excess weight. When I looked at this girl, I saw her mother and realized that’s what this girl might look like one day.

Five years ago, I saw this girl again. Let me say that a different way: Five years ago, I saw this girl’s mother again…but it was the girl. True to what I’d thought, this amazing woman had turned into her mother. The smile and personality were still there, but the hair was pulled up into a bun, and the curves that had captured the attention of every guy in high school had now turned into one big curve from shoulder to ankle.

I know that time has a way of getting to us all, but there are things we can do to at least slow the process. There’s no feeling on earth like the one where you see someone again after a few years and think, “Oh man, please tell me I don’t look that bad!”

Nobody looks like their senior picture after 20 years ( but man, the 80’s rocked!). I know that and can appreciate it. Still, who says you have to go from 35 to 50 overnight? If you’re only as old as you feel, go feel a 20 year-old or something!

The One That Got Away…and Why We Love Them

September 15, 2009

So this girl I work with is so crazy hot it makes any man who sees her immediately stop what they’re doing to watch her walk down the hall. Though a little conceited she has a pretty good personality as well. She’s talented, smart, sexy as humanly possible, and fun to hang around. And she’s had almost 10 boyfriends this year.

Understand, she hasn’t slept with them all or anything. It’s just that she seems to always find a way to kill any relationship she gets in because she’s comparing him to “Bob”, the guy she considers “the one”. Bob broke up with her via email at the beginning of the year and let her know that he’d actually been seeing someone else for a few weeks as well. He cared for her and all, but he just didn’t see a future with her.couple-laptop2-lg-new

This was powerful because this was literally the first guy who had ever dumped this girl. She had always been the dump-er, and now she was the dump-ee. It did not go well.

And now, despite the fact that he cheated on her, she can’t let him go. Every relationship she gets in is automatically compared to this fantasized version of Bob. In her mind he’s not the cheating two-timer she hated with a passion as she finished that email. Instead, he’s the caring sensitive guy who loved her with all his heart.

So what is it about ex’s the keep people so enamored? Why can’t we move on sometimes when a relationship goes sour and ends?

First, it’s because of what we imagine might have been. We see ourselves waking up in the middle of the night and having this person roll over onto us for “movie love”. They wake up in the morning ready to go with their hair perfect and their breath fresh. They never get mad and always worship the ground we walk on. Of course, none of this happened while the relationship was going on, but that won’t stop us from imagining it.

When I was single, I had a girl who was a very good friend of mine. The years we were together were fun, and we were very close though we never took it to a physical level. Thinking back on it later, I reconsidered a lot of our conversations and realized there were times she was tentatively opening the door to me for more, and I never caught it or took it. Now when I think of what might have been I picture her doing incredibly athletic things to my body as I fight for every breath in a bliss I had never thought possible. Would it have really been that way? Probably not…but that’s just the way we are wired to see things. Rather than look at reality and see them as a real person, we lock them forever in our memories as “perfection”.

Second, time heals all wounds. The things that drove us away from them or annoyed the fire out of us are long forgotten as we dinnerconcentrate instead on little things that meant so much. They might have been loud, or obnoxious, or even downright cruel at times…but there were those precious moments like when they picked up a candy bar for us while in the gas station, or when they reached for our hand in the dark during a movie. She might have been banging your brother, but when you picture her she’s this angel.

Third, something special happened at least once with them–and we keep hoping it will happen with someone else. It might have been incredibly deep conversations, or mind-blowing passion, or wonderful laughs, but something happened that made that person stick out. That one part of the relationship is usually what we hang on to, focus on, and desperately want to recreate. Most of the time, unfortunately, we can’t hope to.

In the case of the girl I work with, the guy she’s so hung up on was “her first”, and as such he holds a place that no man can ever possibly hope to have. playful-couple-lgAlmost everyone can remember their first time even decades later, so you can see what her future husband will be fighting against. It’s really unfair to hold any other guy up to the standard she’s placed “Bob” in (and she didn’t even think it was that great), but she’s holding out hope because she doesn’t want to be considered a tramp and wants to be a one-man-ever kind of woman.

Whatever the cause, it’s often unfair to think anyone else can ever measure up to this standard that has been placed on them. Ex’s sometimes get those special glorified places that can never be matched. How many times do we miss out on something better simply because we hang on to something we think was so incredible.

And the funny part? If we do find a way to make the relationship get another chance, it ends the same way. Those incredible moments we thought would forever move us may show up for a minute or two, but then they’re overshadowed as reality sets in once more.

So what’s a person to do if they find their mind constantly wandering back to that “perfect love”?

Remember why you broke up to begin with. There had to be a reason. It wasn’t perfect, and if you can keep a balanced look at guy18everything you’ll see why things couldn’t possibly work out.

If need be, focus on the bad things and knock out the good. It may seem cruel, but if it will help you get over them and move on you should do it. I’m not saying your should cheapen whatever great times you had, I’m just saying if you have to move on then you do whatever you need to in order to make that happen.

Give someone else a fair chance to win your heart. The poor guy or gal might be better for you than anything you’d ever imagined, but if you don’t give them a chance to prove it you’ll stay lonely and pining away for “the one” forever. Really, truly, honestly move on as best you can and don’t allow yourself to think of that other person as you’re with the new one. You never know…it might be better than you’d ever imagined it could be.

Is It Really Worth the Wait?

September 7, 2009

I have a friend who is currently dating a “good girl”. She is, for the most part, rather chaiste in their relationship. Don’t get me wrong, the shirt’s been off and the upstairs merchandise has been tasted and handled freely, but she’s drawn the line at the belt and won’t let my friend any further until he buys the diamond key that’ll open the doors to–as she promises–“paradise”.

Now here’s where it gets tricky. No man that I’ve couplemet wants to knowingly marry the town slut, but at the same time there is something to be said for experience. Some guys want to walk into a marriage with a clean slate (and there’s nothing wrong with that), but there are down sides to consider.

First, if she really is “untouched merchandise”, then how in the world can you honestly believe she’s going to enjoy sex as much as she’s telling you she will? Let’s be honest, there are those women who just don’t care for it all that much. It might be because they’ve never had a good lover, or it just might be because they were told it was naughty when they were little, or it might be because they just don’t like it. However, it’s impossible to tell this without first having experienced it. Waiting until you’ve slipped the diamond on the finger is dangerous because you just might not be buying yourself a life of monogamy…it might be a life of celibacy. happy-couple

Second, how on earth will you know if you’re compatible? Maybe she’s thrilled by lights-out missionary stuff while you love middle-of-the-afternoon multi-position gymnastics. Or perhaps she thinks three times a week is plenty while you think it’s what’s known as “a good start”.It’s a real bad day when you find this all out after it’s legal and gets too expensive for a breakup.

Third, if you’re experienced and she’s not, keep in mind you’re going to have to invest a lot of time early on to keep her going for the rest of your life together. If she’s “new to this” then you’re going to have to really be careful at the beginning. If you do something too fast or too wrong, it could really affect her perception of sex (“It hurts too much”, “It feels so dirty”, etc) and could turn a girl who’s genuinely interested in pleasing her husband into a girl who never wants to be touched like that again. You’re going to have to be a really patient person, at least at the beginning.

All that being said, I guess it’s all a matter of personal preference. Is waiting worth the risk of finding out she’s not that great? But then again, is pushing things too far for her worth damaging the relationship in the future?

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with waiting until after The happy couple cut the cakeyou’re married if you want to. I don’t make fun of people who choose that route (I respect it, actually) but there are a lot of challenges for folks who do choose to stay “hands off” until it’s final.

If you do choose to wait, then make sure you both discuss everything openly and frankly. Even if she (or you) have no clue as to what’s coming on the wedding night, you need to talk about what you’re expecting if nothing else. She might be thinking “romantic comedy” while you’re thinking “unbridled passion”, and these are important differences to seriously consider. Trust me when I say it’s a terrible thing to have two wildly differing opinions on what’s supposed to be happening at that moment.

Despite what you may hear or see on television and movies, I’ve known a lot of really happysexy-hispanic-couple-lg-new couples of waited until after their wedding night to enjoy the physical aspect of their relationship. Sometimes they’ll actually surprise you. This is absolutely a true story: I went to a couple’s house to have dinner with them one night. I asked to use their restroom and they told me to use the one in the master bedroom. I went down the hall and into their bedroom only to find a video camera set up on a tripod and pointed directly at the unmade bed. This was a “good” couple who were Sunday School teachers and had waited until after the vows to tear the clothes off. I never made mention of what I’d seen, but I always smile when I see them, thinking about what they must have said after I’d left and they realized what they’d inadvertently made me privy to.

So is it worth the wait? That’s a matter of personal preference more than anything else. It’s definitely not an easy choice to make, but when it works out it can really work out well. Of course, when it doesn’t work out, that’s never a pretty picture either.

By the way, in my friend’s case this time out I think he’s very safe. The girl is very creative in other getting-frisky-outside-lg-newaspects of her life, dresses in clothes so low-cut and tight as to leave little to the imagination (showing she’s not going to be a “lights-out, don’t look at me” type prude later on), and has no qualms or boundaries on how or where it’s supposed to happen after they’re married (if anything, she’s just a tad freaky). While my friend could easily seduce her one night after a super-romantic date, I think in his case it would lead to “morning after” regrets on her part that would ultimately end the relationship. So sometimes waiting really is the best answer if you’re looking for more than a one night stand.

"Second Best": the Ultimate Manhood Test

July 19, 2009

cheating-girl I recently had a friend who was head over heels for this girl. She was hot and he was all over her. After about a month together, she told him she was in love with someone else, and they broke it off (she did allow him a few last-time liberties before they broke up to help soften the blow, so it wasn’t all bad). He moped a bit and we all knew why.

A week later, he was back again with her by his side. When I asked him what happened, he said the guy she had dumped him for had actually dumped her the very next day, so she came back to him and they were together again.

I was completely blown away! I said, “Wake up! You’re her ‘second best’! She didn’t want you, but the guy she wanted wouldn’t have anything to do with her!”

His reaction: “Well, at least we’re together again.”

So let’s play this scenario together and see where you stand. This is your manhood test, so think hard before you answer: What would you do? Would you take a woman back who you know for a fact would rather be with another guy, it’s just that the other guy doesn’t want her?

In my friend’s defense, he is, in essence, enjoying no-strings-attached rebound sex with this girl right now. She’s thrown off the restraints in an effort to get back at the guy who hurt her (even though that guy literally couldn’t care less about what she’s doing right now). So yes, there are positives to the situation…but consider everything.

“Second best” is a pathetic place to be in a relationship. You may eventually aniston-mayer-blogfool yourself into thinking you’ve won her over, but there will always be that nagging feeling that she’s just one phone call away from gone someday soon. While you’re thinking it’s a long-term relationship (and she may even do things to confirm that belief), she’s getting revenge on the guy who hurt her all the while secretly pining away for him again. And this might not be an issue for you, but just stop for a moment and realize who she’s really thinking of while you’re putting your best moves on her. You think Jennifer Aniston was really thinking of John Mayer all those times after Brad Pitt dumped her? Nope.

To top all that off, “second best” dramatically lowers your value to other women in your life who see you. They know what you’re doing and why you’re doing it, and you could actually miss out on some wonderful girl in the future simply because she sees this pathetic side of you. You’re either this lost puppy who can’t be alone, or this lecherous guy who uses women on the rebound for sex (that one might be true anyway, but you don’t want it to be obvious or it ruins your game).

It’s a decision you have to make for yourself. Are you ok with this doomed relationship and all it will do to you, or do you want to be a man and say “Hey, you had your chance with me. I don’t care how much he hurt you, you’re on your own.” cheating-main_FullYou may hate to see her go, but if she actually has to work to get you back, it may improve your value in her eyes. She may actually see you in a different light and come around to your side of things.

Or just be there with open arms and hope for the best. And in case you’re wondering, she will indeed be gone if the other guy ever calls back. No matter how many times he hurts her, women have this strange tendency to sometimes find their self-worth in one particular relationship. They fool themselves into thinking he’s changed this time, even though he’s asking for a threesome with her sister. It’s a pathetic way to live, but don’t fool yourself. 

You are and always will be “second best” to her unless you man up and show your self-worth.

What Makes a Woman Sexy

May 2, 2009

smiling_woman_1 Oh, you read about it in magazines, you see it in movies, and you may hear guys talk about it when a hot girl walks by, but have you ever wondered what makes a woman stand out as sexy? Believe it or not, it’s not just the “WOW!” physical aspect of it all. Don’t get me wrong, looks play a big part in it (at least, how those looks are handled), but there are other things that figure into the equation.

Ladies, would you like to know if other guys think you’re sexy? Or would you like to want to ramp up your value just a little next time you see that cute guy you want to impress? Well, you’ve come to the right place. Let me give you a little insight into what–besides just looks–makes a woman sexy to a man.

1) A strong laughLaughing, not cackling...very important Now I’m not talking about some hideous witch cackle or something that eventually devolves into a pig snort. I’m talking about a smooth, strong laugh with a nice smile. A woman who’s open to laughter and not afraid to let herself go with a good laugh is a vocal woman. Do you understand where this leads in our minds? You’re vocal in this respect, you’ll be vocal later in another situation. Follow me?

So why the laugh? Why not deep conversation or intimate details of your day-to-day life? Because too much talk can be a big turn-off. We want to know that later you’ll be uninhibited in expressing yourself, but not so talkative that you won’t shut up long enough to do anything else. That little air of “maybe” keeps electricity in the air.

2) Eye contact –  A woman who locks eyes with you and keeps that half-smile going just before her gaze drops to the bar is great. I’m not meaning the scary, stare-at-you-all-night-like-a-stalker girl. No, I mean the woman who isn’t afraid to look at you and let you know she’s doing so. This is the woman who watches you while you’re talking, and doesn’t let her eyes wander all over the room. She’s the woman who makes you think you’re the only other person in the room, and she’s the woman any guy would fight to keep.

3) Confidencemegan-fox-makeupI can’t stress this one enough. If you’re unfazed by a few witty remarks and don’t keep shrinking into the background, you’re in. Again, there’s a fine line here. “Confident” doesn’t mean “I have to be the center of attention all the time”. That “center of it all” girl never sticks out as anything more than a one-nighter. She’s obviously way too selfish to be any good in other situations.

On the other hand, a confident woman is someone who holds her own but isn’t afraid to step out of the spotlight for a while. She speaks up at the right time, but doesn’t monopolize the conversation. That kind of woman is the kind of woman we feel will be more confident later. We’re talking “lights on” and “on top”, and that’s amazingly sexy.

4) AdventurousThis could possibly be a little TOO adventurous I know this seems like it would fall under the “confidence” thing, but not quite. This is a rock-climbing, mountain-biking, back-to-nature kind of girl. You are the “up for anything” woman…and we figure that’s a trait you carry over to every area of your life.

Granted, only a certain type of guy stands a chance of keeping up with you, but every guy knows that. The guy who can manage to keep up with this type of woman is envied by every guy he knows. This is the athletic girl, and she’s the one we picture walking in the door after the long jog/workout and slamming us into the wall as she proceeds to tear our t-shirt to pieces. Bless you, dear woman.

5) Mystery – Yes, we know that you ladies are drawn to men who are the mysterious, strong-but-silent types, but that works both ways. A woman whose best features aren’t the most obvious ones is like a flower that’s slowly opening up. We can see the beauty on the outside, but as the flower blooms we are given a glimpse into an even deeper beauty. mysterious womanWe want you to be that woman who turns around in the parking lot and gives us this smile we haven’t seen all night long, but know in an instant we have to see again and again.  It’s a coy “I know a secret” kind of smile that lets us know there’s more to you than meets the eye.

Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not telling you to go out there and learn a magic trick or something (though that would be very cool in the right context). Just don’t be one of those people who feels the need to share every single moment of their life story in the first five minutes of meeting.

6) Physical contact – Touch is important. If you touch a guy’s arm while you laugh or flirt or whatever, it bumps you up a dozen notches on the “sexy” scale. You have proven you aren’t afraid to get physical. We like physical. Follow the logic.

7) Bedroom eyes – You know what I’m talking about here. It’s that same look we imagine we’d be seeing after a long, exhausting night. It’s that same look we imagine we’d see after that long night and just before you slide up next to us and whisper, “Ready for more?” Oh yeah, I just got chills thinking about it.

8) Looks – Sorry, but I couldn’t leave this one out. It is important, like it or not. Take care of yourself and the way you dress.


So now you know the secrets. You’ve looked behind the curtain and found exactly what we guys notice when we’re out and about. Above that, you know why we look for these things, and that’s something you can apply to other traits I might have missed. You want to make us feel there’s no doubt you would rock our world if we were lucky enough to get that chance with you. And if we see that pouring off of you, you’d better believe we’ll be fighting for that chance every time.

Your turn now to sound off. What did I miss?