Just another happily-married man with great kids…and a lot to say about life in general.
I like your site, it makes me laugh. Any chance of an RSS feed? I use an RSS reader for most of my daily online reading, and it would make your site a lot more likely to be read by myself, and others, if you added one. Just a thought. Keep up the good work!
If you’re using Firefox, you can click the orange box in the right hand side of the address bar. That will open the RSS feed location and you can subscribe from there. Glad you enjoy the site. Feel free to contribute any ideas you might have for future articles in comments.
Some great articles you wrote! I’m only 16 so I know pretty much nothing from marriage but I got some really good chuckles out of the articles. I’m looking forward to seeing more of you!
hey I wanted to know if I could use the picture of a girl and a guy arguing in my up coming website. I’ll ad your link if you agree. It is an article webpage about arguing in the home.
Sure, feel free.
I just launched a women’s website http://www.nomakeuprequired.com in June and would like to include a few of your blog posts in a new section Manly Mondays that I will be starting in the fall. Would love to have you on board! Please take a look around and contact me if you are interested. Thank you!
Just want to confirm that it’s ok to put up three of your blog posts? I will include a link back to your site, so the readers can find you.
Sounds good. Feel free to.
What do u think of ths situation. I love ur blog and think that a lot of girls have had similar things happen and don’t know what went wrong or if something did. Pls help!
I am 26 an And met a great mid thirty yr old guy at a bar. I literally was in sweats, hair a mess, glasses. I go to this pub not to be social. The guy approached me, started talking to me, asked me out on a date, was very interested, paid for my wine and paiD complete attention. In fact, he was, he seemed, thrilled and was complimenting me not just on looks but more on my personality. I def didn’t do all the talking, tried to be coy and based on how I looked (we weren’t talking first sitting next to each other then he decided he liked me aftere chatting, he saw me walk in and there were no free seats and immediately insisted on giving his seat up for me) he’s a regular at the bar too but we go at different times so I didn’t know him yet. I was really surprised. He is smart, funny, good looking, successful. He didn’t seem drunk, I’m sure he was tipsy, he had 2-3 beers while we were chatting. He’s very succeSful lawyer and workS really hard and was out bc he had to be at work at 8am which for him meant sleeping in. Coincidentally, we live in the same complex! He wasn’t with any friends. Also, its not like I’m super impressive, I mean I know I’m a good catch, but I’m currently unemployed, whiule I went to a great college, and I’m pretty, I’m not a super hottie. I’m not super skinny, and he prob couldn’t tell what my body looks like bc I was in sweat pants with a hoodie and a hat on and glasses. I have great long hair but it was up, I have a pretty face but I’m not usually the girl guys hit on, its usually my friends. I’m not ugly, but I’m being totally honest abt everythiung to get an honest answer. I also was in baggy sweat pants (not the cute kind which are hot. You know the look that men find sexy) I’m not trying to hear you’re probably prettier than you think you are and more impressive and the sweats were sexy. There are ways to make the messy look sexy, but I swear this was not it. Anyways, he asked me out to a specific restaurant and walked me home since we live in same complex. He also walked me home and when he asked me to go home with him I said no. 20 mins later he asked me to go to his apartment in a text. I politely declined saying it was late but was looking forward to dinner. I wasn’t near the phoine and responded an hour later. I didn’t hear back. Also, he is recently divorced after being married to a girl for 3 and a half yrs. He doesn’t have kids with her and didn’t talk a lot about it except for saying his miother keeps saying he should meet a girl like me and that he filed for divorce. It couldn’t have sounded like he was more interested. He wasn’t shiut faced but I get him texting me after I said no to comuing over for a chance at a booty call, but I didn’t hear from him again. He did wear my scarf home so two days later I texted him saying when would be the easiest time for me to pick it up since he lives in my building. He said he was working super hard on a deal but he may not have to work the next day and start hius holiday vaca and fio me to text him in the AM. I waited to text him until late afternoon and at 9pm he said was stuck at work all day, that deal was killing him and he was meeting a friend for dinner wasn’t sure wjen hellk be done and will text later. I respoinded and said I’m out too but nmaybe I could meet him, I joked “and I’m dreSsed approipriately”. He texted me back at 1am sayiung he was at the bar we met at. I was asleep and didn’t answer. The next night I said hey would love to see you, what are u up to. He said he left to go home for holidays and “see u after holidays.
Here is my point and what I would love ur thoughts and opinions on:
1. Meeting a guy at a bar–in my situation or any what are your thoughts. Esp after reading ur post on 30 somethiung guys
2. He didn’t seem that drunk and if he just wanted to get with me he diudnt have to spend so much time and effort nor ask me outto a specific restaurant. But does that matter?
3. Do you think he would have ever would have texted or initiated contact with me had I not texted him. He answered and was nice and didn’t give short answers, but he wasn’t lkike oh I’d like toi see u nor did he follow up abt dinner. Could it be a guy that age was actually busy or if a guy likes you will hear from him and if he answers hell say dinner this week and hell say come over. Or could he have meant everything he saiud which was beyond sweet talk and usual line because it doesn’t make sense to wastE that time
5. Did I ruin it by texting him? Am I too available now? Do the stupid rules from the book “the rules” are actually true
6. If I do see him agauin and he doesn’t ask me out and we eiter meet at bar and he returns my scarf or I pick it up from his apt any advice on how to act to maybe get his sober attention other than putting effort into hoiw I look?
7. If in situation we hang ouyt have a great time is it out of the question to hook up? Wjat about making out.
8. How do u stop a hookup after making out or shjold you say no all together and play hard to get
9. Based on my situation is he just not that in to me and I shoulk get scarf and move on or bc I have nothing to lose shoot him a text and maybe try?
10. If I do what are the do’s and don’ts to acting around him.
I know I’m asking a liot but I like him and I don’t think its lost cause. I’m so confused ad I know u can help.
Annie, it seems like you have a weird situation going on here. My advice to you here is pretty simple and I hope it doesn’t let you down looking for a complex plan. I would say just ask him to dinner once at a restaurant, not a bar. That way you get a chance to see “sober him” rather than the guy at the bar with a few drinks in him (you’d be surprised at what that can do). That gives him the chance to see you at your best (“dressed appropriately” as you said) and it would give you a chance to talk like a normal couple rather than a bar hookup or booty call, as you seem to fear this is going. If he turns you down because of work, see if he reschedules. If he doesn’t, or if he just wants to meet you at a bar for drinks, I wouldn’t put anything more into the relationship. It sounds like all he wants is the quick and easy run to the bedroom.
He could even be trying you out because of his mom’s advice just to shut her up. You might not be the type he usually goes for and he’s trying it out to see how it works. I’m not trying to be mean here, but you seem like a nice girl and I’d hate for you to get hurt by becoming some guy’s experiment.
I WILL tell you this: if you make out with him, then you can forget about playing hard to get after that. If all he wants is physical stuff and you suddenly become a challenge, he’ll just drop you and move on because he’s already had a taste and can leave it at that. If you seriously want this relationship to progress, then give him that one chance for dinner and then play hard to get if he says no. From that point forward, act aloof (not distant or disinterested, but busy as if the world is pulling you away and he’d be lucky to get a few minutes of your time…basically what he’s doing to you) and put the ball in his court.
Ultimately, you are the one who has to decide if he’s worth pursuing or not. If you seem needy or easy to get, he’ll back away. If you seem a challenge, he’ll come running if he’s interested. If he doesn’t respond to your dinner invite, I’d leave it at that and move on. I know you think you weren’t that great in sweats and such, but guys really can be attracted to little things like a smile, a laugh, the way your eyes sparkle, and even the way you sit. These are all things that aren’t affected by sweats or baggy clothes. These are things that draw us in, and it’s only after we see the “dressed appropriately” you that we find the extra blessings and added value. I have no idea what you talked about or anything, but I think you deserve the chance to see a sober him and find out if he’s really into you or not. Stand strong when you talk to him and see him, and decide for yourself where you want this relationship to go. If you just want to make out and see if the passion fizzles, that’s up to you. If you’re in it for the long haul though, make yourself a challenge now rather than letting him set the pace of the relationship.
I know that seems strange coming from a guy who constantly tells men to be the challenge, but you seem truly honest in your thoughts and I’d hate to see you get hurt. Good luck on whatever you choose to do. And hey, let me know how it works out for you.
Hi there, I find your blog very entertaining and informative. There’s a situation I’m currently in that I would like some out side perspective on and if you could give me any advice that would be much appreciated.
So here’s the situation, I’m 24 years old (still ‘young’ I guess…) currently flatting with a two others (2 girls both in their twentys too) for the last 6 months or so. Over this time I have gotten to know and befriend one of the girls better than the other and recently discovered I am very attracted to her not just physically but mostly because we get along so well and hangs out all the time and go out for dinner just the two of us but was never romantic as such. We went out with a few other friends to a club for new years eve and I THOUGHT we click even more so I decided to just go for it and asked her out on a date. She instantly shut me down without a second thought and her excuse was she’s not ready for a relationship (ie, she’s not over her ex who left before I moved into the flat) AND *here’s the kick to the jewels* she doesn’t want to ruin our friendship.
After that, we haven’t actually seen or talked to each other (we have texted but I don’t really count that as good communication) and I feel like she’s using her work (late shifts) as an excuse to avoid me. This was a week ago and nothing has changed. Now, I know it was most likely a bad idea to date someone you live with and landing in the friend zone in this situation is the last nail to the coffin. Basically what I’m asking is should I let this situation to smooth over in the next couple of weeks/months and maybe try again but this time be more direct and improve my self (I’m not one to so easy give up on things) or is this a lost cause and I should move on with my life?
PS. Weeks before new years the other flatmate actually asked me if I had feelings for flatmate number 1 which led me to think flatmate number 2 (as an observant female bystander) saw there was reciprocating feelings from flatmate number 1, hence me taking action.
Josh, whether she’s over her previous relationship or not, it sounds like you might have misread her here, or perhaps jumped in just a little too soon. Maybe she WAS developing feelings for you, and your sudden invitation shocked her back into some emotional shell she’s hiding in. Or maybe she was just flirting, got caught, and now is ashamed because she realizes she was leading you on. Whatever happened, I wouldn’t push it–especially since you all have to live together. If you want to get things back to the pre-NYE status of dinners with the two of you and such, then you should probably just wait up until she comes home from her late shift, apologize for anything you might have done that’s making things weird between you (I know it’s not your fault, but somebody has to start the ball rolling and that’s got to be you right now), and just tell her you miss the fun “friend dinners” you had before. No strings, no proclamations of deep feelings, just missing time with your mate and wanting to hang out again, that’s all. IF you can get her to agree to that, then go out with her and let it go. No more pushes or invitations. Understand something: she knows you want to go out with her. Maybe you got her thinking or whatever, but now the ball is in her court.
Here’s the trickiest part and you’ll have to play this perfect: find another woman to show interest in. If this room mate of yours really just wants friendship, all will be well. If there are any feelings she’s battling with about you, then the prospect of losing you could be the thing to push her into action. As for your other room mate asking if you had feelings for her, it could have just been that your feelings were so blatantly obvious to her that she was just checking…it didn’t necessarily mean the other girl had been asking about you.
If this was just a girl and not your room mate, I’d say pursue her. Because of this special situation and the possibility of somebody having to move out (and it could be you), then you need to tread very carefully here. Get things back to comfortable for both of you, then show her you won’t wait forever. Who knows? Maybe when you have the late-night talk with her it could be the thing that changes it all anyway. Maybe she’s been thinking about what you said this whole time.
By the way, if you don’t want to stay up late, you could always leave her favorite snack (cookies, cake, whatever) with a note saying: “Truce?” on it to see if that at least starts the face-to-face conversations again (but I suggest the late-night talk if possible).
Hope this helps. Let me know what happens.
Hey, I took your advice and went and bought a box of chocolate as a peace offering after work. Then I waited till she came home that night around midnight, I apologised and proposed for us to stay as friends. This did seemed to eased the tension around the house and we are back to talking regularly but I feel she is still holding back, ie awkward moments when she wanted to say something but decided otherwise and avoids us going out together even just to the grocery store or to buy take out.
The other night we and along with a couple of others went out clubbing again, instead of sticking with her and her friend on the dance floor I decided to do my own thing and go chat up some strangers and meet new people. This actually turned out much better than I expected, even though I didn’t get anyone’s number or achieve much I still felt it was better than watching her seductively dancing around other guys and I get in to an internal sprial. I’ve been doing a bit of self discovery recently and I found that I internalise a lot of situations and this probably led me to misread her and think she was interested.
So overall I think we’re on the right road to be back to the friends we used to be. I will keep you updated on whether we ever become anything more, most likely not, and I’m OK with that.
Thanks for the advice.
Thanks for the quick response. Truthfully this is not what I wanted to hear but I’m sure this is what I needed to know and you are right. I will keep you updated and hopefully I won’t have to move out any time soon.
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