I recently had a friend who was head over heels for this girl. She was hot and he was all over her. After about a month together, she told him she was in love with someone else, and they broke it off (she did allow him a few last-time liberties before they broke up to help soften the blow, so it wasn’t all bad). He moped a bit and we all knew why.
A week later, he was back again with her by his side. When I asked him what happened, he said the guy she had dumped him for had actually dumped her the very next day, so she came back to him and they were together again.
I was completely blown away! I said, “Wake up! You’re her ‘second best’! She didn’t want you, but the guy she wanted wouldn’t have anything to do with her!”
His reaction: “Well, at least we’re together again.”
So let’s play this scenario together and see where you stand. This is your manhood test, so think hard before you answer: What would you do? Would you take a woman back who you know for a fact would rather be with another guy, it’s just that the other guy doesn’t want her?
In my friend’s defense, he is, in essence, enjoying no-strings-attached rebound sex with this girl right now. She’s thrown off the restraints in an effort to get back at the guy who hurt her (even though that guy literally couldn’t care less about what she’s doing right now). So yes, there are positives to the situation…but consider everything.
“Second best” is a pathetic place to be in a relationship. You may eventually fool yourself into thinking you’ve won her over, but there will always be that nagging feeling that she’s just one phone call away from gone someday soon. While you’re thinking it’s a long-term relationship (and she may even do things to confirm that belief), she’s getting revenge on the guy who hurt her all the while secretly pining away for him again. And this might not be an issue for you, but just stop for a moment and realize who she’s really thinking of while you’re putting your best moves on her. You think Jennifer Aniston was really thinking of John Mayer all those times after Brad Pitt dumped her? Nope.
To top all that off, “second best” dramatically lowers your value to other women in your life who see you. They know what you’re doing and why you’re doing it, and you could actually miss out on some wonderful girl in the future simply because she sees this pathetic side of you. You’re either this lost puppy who can’t be alone, or this lecherous guy who uses women on the rebound for sex (that one might be true anyway, but you don’t want it to be obvious or it ruins your game).
It’s a decision you have to make for yourself. Are you ok with this doomed relationship and all it will do to you, or do you want to be a man and say “Hey, you had your chance with me. I don’t care how much he hurt you, you’re on your own.” You may hate to see her go, but if she actually has to work to get you back, it may improve your value in her eyes. She may actually see you in a different light and come around to your side of things.
Or just be there with open arms and hope for the best. And in case you’re wondering, she will indeed be gone if the other guy ever calls back. No matter how many times he hurts her, women have this strange tendency to sometimes find their self-worth in one particular relationship. They fool themselves into thinking he’s changed this time, even though he’s asking for a threesome with her sister. It’s a pathetic way to live, but don’t fool yourself.
You are and always will be “second best” to her unless you man up and show your self-worth.