Benefits to Dating an Older Guy

April 16, 2009

james_bond__pierce__208750g Recently I was talking to a girl in her early twenties and listening to her dating woes. She has her heart set on this one little college boy who will make out with her and then never call. She’s sure he’s “the one” even though the only time he’s coming around is if she’s putting out and she can’t quite figure that out yet.

She mentioned another guy who had recently shown interest in her but she said he was 25. When I asked what the problem was, she said (with a disgusted look on her face) “Ew, he’s old!”

Now, as a man who has just recently strolled past his mid-30’s, I don’t think I’m old. I know for certain that 25 isn’t old. And yet here was this little 21 year old telling me how turned off she was by this “old man” who had hit on her. Well, for all you “little girls” out there who can’t move beyond the little boys and into the real men, here’s what you’re missing out on:

1. No “little boy” games. If you get your kicks off the “we’re dating/no we’re not” daily roller coaster ride, then you don’t want an older guy. Men in their 30’s usually have enough experience to know ahead of time what they like and don’t. If it’s going to be purely physical, most of the time we’re beyond the point of stringing you along forever to get you in bed. The clock’s ticking and we know it, so if they just want sex and you aren’t easy prey, they’ll move on. Img8

On the other hand, if they continue to show interest in you, you can judge their sincerity. Most thirty-somethings and above are beyond the crap and can show genuine interest in a woman because we’re looking for something more.

2. The future is mapped out. When you’re dating a 22 year old boy who says he wants to be a rock star, that’s cute. You might date him and tell your friends he’s going to be the next Justin Timberlake or whatever. You have no way of knowing if he’s serious or not. Unfortunately, it may take you 8 years to figure out he’s not going to actually ever get famous, and by that time you’ve invested so much time into the relationship you can’t move on.

On the other hand, a man in his mid-30’s knows where he’s going and how he wants to get there. If he says he’s going to own his own business, then if he’s not well on his way you can count him out. He has either gone to college and done something with his degree, or might possibly be in college getting a degree to better himself. Most of our dreams are dead by 35 as cold, hard reality has set in. We know that the only way to actually accomplish anything in life is to apply ourselves and make that happen. You can look at this man and know ahead of time what your future together will probably be.

3. We take our time. Understand something, a man in his mid-30’s no longer notches the bed post (for the most part). He’s looking for a james-bond-16relationship, and when the intimacy begins he’s in no hurry to finish it. Sports are great, and the stock market is interesting, but when cloth leaves skin the focus change s. There’s a reason why James Bond is always played by a man in his late 30’s, you know.

We know where the “hot spots” are. We actually know about foreplay. We are looking for an earth-shattering hour. We are not some college frat boy who is going to slam it home and then go grab a brew. You never know…you might actually get something out of the experience rather than hoping you can catch up before your boyfriend ends the show.

4. We respect you. This one is interesting. You can take it or leave it and we don’t care. We’ve been with enough losers to understand a psychochick when we see her, and we can usually see those warning signs long before they arrive. If we show interest in you, and you reciprocate, we’re going to try and make this work. We will actually listen when you talk, and can possibly even remember things you like. We aren’t sitting there while you’re speaking thinking, “Chick, shut up and get naked!” (well, I mean, we might be–we aren’t dead after all–but we’re still going to listen). We’re not going to talk about your exploits to our buddies, or post private pictures of you on the Internet, or forget your phone number after we make out. We’re beyond the games, and ready for something serious.

And finally…

5. We’re mature (for the most part). Posey FamilyLook, women are more mature than men most of the time, and I can readily accept and  acknowledge this. So when you find an older man, you are finding someone who just might be your equal in maturity. You both might have similar goals in the relationship, and by that time in a man’s life he’s probably got similar goals as far as a family goes too. Your pretty boy college boyfriend might  not want kids because he’s afraid it’ll cut into his fun with his buddies, while an older man is ready for kids and could actually end up being a father who actually participates in raising the kids.

 

I have a friend who is 43 and just married a girl who is 25. She’s head-over-heels in love with him, and vice versa. Their age difference has caused quite a few people to raise their eyebrows, but when I see them together I don’t notice anything besides the fact that they are obviously made for each other.

So hey, next time you’re considering a guy to date, don’t automatically take him out of the running because he’s a few years older than you. You might not appreciate the difference now, but it just might make all the difference for a successful relationship in the long run.


Gentler Tips for the Nice Guy

April 3, 2009

vigad31Ok, so I’m sorry I hurt so many feelings and broke so many hearts last time I talked about this. Apparently there are a lot of nice guy best friends who can’t be mean to little miss flirty pants and want an easier way to swing her over. Fine. Here are ways even the “nice guy” can gently break down the best friend woman of his dreams who won’t look twice at him.

Slip on your pink t-shirt and start taking notes, pretty boy.

1) Show interest in her close friend. If she has a girl friend who is cute (obviously not as cute as her, but whatever) then get herguy2 to introduce you to the friend. Start chatting her up, charm her with your smile and wit, and suddenly the GOYD (girl of your dreams) will start feeling that little twinge of jealousy. Remember: to the new girl you are the mysterious guy who can easily come off as fun and charming and win her over. Your best friend still sees you as “her best guy friend” and you’ve lost value in her eyes. When another woman starts showing interest in you, it suddenly forces her to see your value as well.

2) Ask her opinion on another woman. This seems like it might fall into number 1, but it doesn’t. If you are dating someone else (just casually, not a full-on relationship or she’ll start to think you might be cheating on your girlfriend), tell her some intimate moments from the date and ask her opinion. “What did she mean by that?” Again, this has the same effect as number 1 in that it forces the girl to realize some other woman is winning your affections, and that will sting her pride after a short while, prompting her to action.

3) Stop being there for every call. When she calls you, say “Hey, can I call you back in a couple of hours? I’m with someone.” Even if that “someone” is just the latest basketball game on ESPN, you say that and mean it. She hangs up, her mind is suddenly reeling with the fact that you–her always-there listening buddy–might suddenly be developing a life. It might break your heart to not talk to her, but I promise you her mind is racing a lot more than yours if she has any potential interest in you at all.

4) Use Facebook to your advantage. logo_facebookYes, it may seem a little lame, but if she has an account, you should have an account. Friend her, of course, but then look up folks you knew. You can probably find your old high school girlfriend, college girlfriends, and babes you used to know quiet well. Friend them all. After that, it’s just a matter of getting those wall posts and replying to such. Keep the conversation public as much as possible so the GOYD can see this and let it stew. And hey, maybe you’ll make that missed connection from college after all in the process!

Yes, I know these all seem to revoguy13lve around making the girl jealous and playing  mind games with her, but so what? You’re telling me she’s never done that to you? You’re just taking what you learned and making it work for you.

Ok, that’s it. I’m through trying to help the best friend find love. It’s time for me to move on to other topics, so this little trilogy of love is over. Hope it’s been helpful to you and you get to put her through the mattress or carry her down the aisle, whichever you’re shooting for.