Movies That Define a Man…and Why

We are men, we love movies. And believe it or not, there are those movies we watch that actually inspire us. We see certain scenes that make us want to jump for joy, cheer out loud, or go take on the world. Here are some of the movies that change us, and why (warning: there are few romantic scenes in here).

1. Tombstone. Watching Kurt Russell as Wyatt Earp slapping Billy Bob Thornton’s face and daring him to slap leather will get a man’s blood racing every time. Why? We realize the moxy it would take to stand there unarmed and dare someone to be man enough to draw a gun that man knows we’re going to shove up his rear and pull the trigger of. Add to that the way Wyatt sticks up for his family. Someone hurts his brothers, he forms a posse and hunts them all down until they’re dead. Game over.

Val Kilmer’s Doc Holliday is a real treat as well. Even though he’s hacking up a lung for most of the film, he still exudes confidence and wit as he faces down Johnny Ringo and the other cowboys. And that final showdown? Amazing.

Guys love this film simply because it has it all. A strong sense of family, plenty of action, men who aren’t afraid to stand up for themselves despite overwhelming odds, and the good guy gets the pretty girl in the end. Real life in a perfect world.

The only potential downside to this flick is that you’ll have to listen to your man saying “I’m your huckleberry” for the next three days.

2. Die Hard. One man against armed terrorists. Bring it.

Bruce Willis became the ultimate action star to men in the 80′s with this film. He wasn’t in the best shape, he was losing his hair, he was having marriage problems…basically, he was most of the men in the audience. But when the time came he threw down and wasn’t afraid to take the fight to them.

This is the one movie you’ll find in almost every man’s top ten, and the reason why is no mystery. We love this movie simply because John McClane is the man we all hope we could be if we found ourselves in a building taken over by terrorists. The pressure mounts around him throughout the film, but he always takes it in stride and no matter when comes he keeps fighting back–and winning. Most guys would wet themselves if they had to look over the edge of a 50 story building and get ready to jump off with nothing but a water hose attached to them, but we all like to imagine that would be us if the need arose.

Another catchphrase in this film as well…though it’s doubtful he’ll be saying this one around the kids or pastor.

3. Raiders of the Lost Ark. What does a bullwhip-snapping archaeologist have that makes him something men pay attention to? A life of action and adventure. Indiana Jones is just an ordinary guy out to do something simply extraordinary with his life. If he succeeds, the good guys win. If he fails, the world suffers.

Any guy who saw this movie as a kid in the 80′s left that theater wondering where he could get a bullwhip and a fedora. 20 years later, anytime the credits roll on the film, we still wish we had them. You think I’m joking? Stand in a crowd and you’re almost guaranteed to find at least one guy with the “Raiders” theme song as his phone’s ringtone.

Why does this story stand out? While we basically live a drone life of work and home with a week’s vacation where the most exotic thing we see is Disneyworld, Indiana Jones is waking up in a new country every week, running for his life from Nazis before lunch, and saving the world before dinner. He’s the adventurer we all wish we could be. He’s the life of excitement we all wish we had. If adventure had a name…it would be us.

4. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (or any of the “Vacation” films). Clark W. Griswold just can’t get it right. No matter how hard he tries, his “nice family trips” always end in disaster. Something bad always happens to him, and he never gets it right. So why would this type of movie define a man? Because we always see ourselves in Clark.

Yes, we may imagine life as Wyatt Earp or Indiana Jones, but truth be told we’re mostly just Clark Griswold, trying to survive the holidays or vacations with our dignity intact. We go on trips we can hardly afford to places we don’t want to be and spend time with relatives we don’t really know. We try to look cool, but oftentimes we end up looking anything but. Truth is, we’re just trying to be a dad who is fondly remembered by his kids when they start their own holiday memories years from now.

Of course, if Christie Brinkley (or whatever her modern-day equivilent would be) ever wanted to go skinny dipping in a hotel pool with us in the middle of the night, I’d like to think we could keep our mouths shut no matter how cold the water was.

Tips for New Year’s Resolutions for Men

Let’s be honest, as January 1st rolls in, people everywhere are scurrying around to make plans for big changes in the upcoming year. Most of the time, these changes will be the same ones they had the year before, but that never stops anyone. Here are a few tips for some resolutions you might actually keep for a change.

1. Forget the exercise machines. If you aren’t already a member of a gym, now is not the time to start. If you don’t already own (and use) a Bowflex, then put down the phone and forget it. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with exercise, but let’s face it: the gyms get crowded in January, and thin out by February. Why? Because everybody wants to get into shape, but then when they find out it takes effort they give up on it.

Rather than spend money on a home machine you won’t use (or will only use twice), save the money. Do simple exercises at home for a while, and if you’re still interested in getting into shape in a month, then look into a membership. But don’t tell anyone…everyone has heard it before from other folks and they won’t believe it. Wait for them to start noticing the difference in you.

2. The year probably didn’t suck as bad as you think it did. We all want a better year next time around, but be sure to appreciate everything that happened this year. It may not have been the best year ever, but try to find a few things to be thankful for and then plan on repeating at least those successes this year.

3. You are not going bungee jumping. We look back on the year and we realize we never did do that “big thing” we always wanted to, so what do we do? Well, that’s when we usually make that stupid mistake and sign ourselves up for some over-the-top experience we think will make up for it all. The next thing we know, we’re standing at the open door of an airplane 20,000 feet up with a parachute strapped to our back and some surfer boy half our age giving us the thumbs up as he shoves us out of the plane.

Dude, just admit it: you’re not going to do that “big thing” everyone else is pushing. It’s a lot of fun to watch someone bungee jump off a bridge over a raging river, but it’s another thing entirely to be the fool tied up and going over. So for heaven’s sake, don’t sign up for anything from December 26-January 15! It’ll all blow over by then.

4. Set it in your mind to do something about it, or just shut up. Face it, the first week of January around the office stinks. Why? Because everyone is lamenting the previous year and giving their ideas for what they’re going to do to make this year better. They’re going to get in shape, get married, have kids, climb Mount Everest, or any of a hundred other ideas that will never take shape. The problem is that you know they won’t take shape, but you can’t say anything about it without seeming like a jerk.

Instead, just don’t join the ranks. If you want to do something with the year and you know you are going to do it, then talk about it. If it’s nothing more than an inclination, shut up about it. Let the people around you stand in shame next year as they talk yet again about how they’re going to do this or that, while you stand there the man of his word.

 

As you can see, there’s nothing earth-shattering here, but it’s just little

things to think about. Set yourself apart from the crowd this coming year.

 

 

 

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Christmas Gift Ideas for the Woman in Your Life

Let’s face it: very few men can shop and come away with something useful for their woman without guidance. We may live with you, sleep with you, and breed with you, but we are clueless when it comes to what to get you when the need arises. Here’s a few tips for the guys this time around:

1. If she says don’t get it–unless it’s jewelry–then don’t get it. This one was suggested by a reader (thanks, Jessica!), and it’s true. You’re walking in the mall with your lady and you notice something you think she’d like. You point it out and she says, “No, don’t get me that”…that settles it. Don’t buy it. Don’t second-guess her, don’t override her–just don’t buy it! Trust me, if she honestly wants it, she’ll let you know. The last thing she wants to do is open something she plainly told you not to buy and yet now she has to act like she likes.

The only time this is not true is when it comes to jewelry. That’s when you’ll get the coy little, “Oh no, that’s too expensive!” routine, with a little smile and twinkle in her eye. At that point, if you do not buy her that item, Christmas morning will get very ugly.

One year my wife mentioned she’d love diamond stud earrings, but that they were too expensive so I shouldn’t buy them. I did anyway, and then proceeded to put them in the very bottom of her stocking, underneath all the useless stuff we usually cram in there. She opened all her gifts and enjoyed them, but I could tell there was something in particular she was looking for. She had a slightly deflated look on her face as we reached for the stockings (the last thing we open on Christmas morning), and tried her best to appreciate the socks, candy, and whatever else was in there. Finally, she found this little package at the bottom and opened it. The look on her face was priceless. Trust me, this one is rock solid.

2. If you have to know weight or size, DO NOT GUESS! I cannot stress this enough: you cannot win if you must guess a dress or shoe size! Unless you know beyond a shadow of a doubt what size she is, avoid clothing at all costs! Get it wrong, and you are a dead man. Checking in the closet to see what her other outfits are will not help much either. Men buy jeans based on waist size and length. We can easily know what we’re looking for because it plainly says 34×34, and we can understand that means 34 inch waist, 34 inch length. Ahhh, but women’s clothes…that is a much different animal. Even if she can fit in the exact same pair of jeans you wear, her’s won’t say 34. Oh no, her’s will say “10″ or something like that. My wife wears a “4 S” which actually means “4 short” (I have come to understand). While to me as a guy that seems like I should be looking at doll clothing, this is an actual size to a woman. Dress sizes are just as confusing, and just as dangerous. Numerically, there isn’t much difference between the numbers “6″ and “8″, but to a woman that’s like 20 pounds!

The only worse thing you could do is purchase the wrong size bra. Too small, and you give her an inferiority complex (“Do I look that little to you? Am I not enough for you?”). Too big, and it isn’t any better (“What? Are these for your girlfriend or something? Are you saying I need to grow into them? You want me to get a boob job, don’t you?”).

Unless she has plainly written out for you on a sheet of paper exactly the size she needs for everything, steer clear of any article of clothing. Instead, go for a luxury, pamper-yourself type item like bubble bath (provided you’re going to watch the kids long enough to let her use it) or perfume.

3. Don’t buy anything for her to wear that’s edible. We men think it’s perfect gift because it involves our two favorite things: sex and food. What could be better than a woman wearing food? It’s like making love to a Philly cheesesteak! Women, however, do not see it that way. Few will actually wear it (does anyone actually put those on?), and it will be a wasted gift item. She’ll open it thinking (from the look on your face) it’s something wonderful, only to have her balloon popped quickly. The truth is edible undies don’t taste that good anyway. It’s like trying to tear shoe leather off a woman’s naked body without biting her hard enough to ruin the mood. It should actually be a game on a reality show somewhere.

Most women love Victoria’s Secret stuff. We men used to love it because they used to sell sexy stuff in there. Now it’s just mostly normal underwear. Get the list of sizes I told you to get from her and go nuts. She’ll probably love just about anything from there that isn’t too skimpy.

4. Just because she mentions she likes something, doesn’t mean she wants every possible variation of it. Understand something: we men are desperate for gift ideas. If a woman casually mentions she likes Garfield, we scream “Thank You, Jesus!” and rush off thinking we finally know what to get her. We grab Garfield shirts, panties, socks, dolls, videos, and anything else we can find. Suddenly she’s sitting there on Christmas morning with a confused look on her face trying to figure out why on earth you bought her a Garfield lunchbox and a dozen other weird items to go with it.

See, men are different than women in this respect. When a guy “likes” something, he doesn’t mind having lots of whatever it is, in very different forms. For instance, I have a friend who “likes” the Miami Dolphins. His man-cave (basement) is filled with everything you could imagine. He has Miami Dolphins pictures, commemorative plates, a signed football helmet, Christmas ornaments, posters, magnets, old schedules, and tons of other crap just like it. He even has a dolphin’s head with a Miami helmet on it!

His wife, on the other hand, “likes” snowmen. The entire rest of the house (which is hers to decorate) has exactly 3 snowmen throughout. To her, that is a collection. See how we men could get a little confused as to why you’re not falling over yourself because we found that Garfield foot warmer?

If you’re sure she likes Garfield, get her one unique item that makes the statement “I know you like this cat, and I wanted to get you something that shows I actually put some thought into this.” Shop Ebay and I promise you can find some unusual jewelry box (put a necklace in there while you’re at it), small porcelain statue, or something that she never knew existed. That one item can make more of a statement that a dozen Garfield panties ever could.

And finally…

5. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. It’s a lot of pressure trying to make sure your lady isn’t disappointed on Christmas morning. If you are wandering through the store aisles still absolutely clueless over what to get her, then get someone to help you. Call her best friend (that should be you, but whatever), sister, mom, or someone else who might have actually listened to her when she mentioned stuff she wanted. Rather than just grab things you hope she’ll like or guess she’ll like, take the time to find out what she really will like. Ask her to write out a list of ten items (and sizes of each…listen to me on this, man!) she’d love to have. Maybe it feels a little like cheating to you because it doesn’t seem like she’s getting any surprises, but I promise it’s the best thing to do. You want her opening that gift to find the purse she’s been wanting, not the toaster/waffle iron/cappuccino-machine you thought was a good idea.

In all honesty, while it’s not easy to find the perfect gift, it’s not that hard to at least find something she’ll enjoy. Before you go to the mall, know what you’re going for. I promise you, putting the extra effort in before you get there will make all the difference in the world.

Merry Christmas!

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