Time to Exit the Friend Zone

loveShe cries because no guy “gets” her. She calls you for hours to tell you her problems and how she wishes she could find a nice guy like you to  fall in love with. She comes over to your apartment with ice cream and some rented DVD to watch movies and “cuddle” on the couch with you.

You are everything she’s always complaining about wanting in a boyfriend. You listen to her and can actually quote back whole sentences of what she’s said. You know her favorite color, book, food, movie, and childhood memory. You could, without hesitation, plan out the most romantic, seductive date to take her on simply because you know exactly what turns her on and what she wants in “the perfect night”.

You are allowed to stroke her hair, pat her back, even occasionally hold her hand and “accidentally” brush her boobs more than once as you’re reaching for the remote. And once, in a moment of weakness, she made out with you and then afterward forced you to agree it was a mistake and should never happen again.

Are you the man of her dreams? No, you are her friend.vigad3

Honestly, I get so sick and tired of hearing women complain about how they can’t find that perfect man–when most of the time they’re talking to him! Beautiful women seem to be the most insecure as well. The more beautiful she is, the worse off it gets. She’ll say she wants someone to love her for “her”, not just that pretty package. She says this to a guy who has listened to her entire life story and dating horror history for hours on end. She says this to a guy who has never failed to answer the phone when she called, even if he was with another girl. She says this to a guy who can tell her about every dimple she has, every twinkle she gets in her eyes when she talks about puppies, and even knows her bra size while never having seen the goods simply because she talks about how hard it is to find them on sale at Victoria’s Secret. She says this to a guy who is danger of losing his job for replying to the steady stream of text messages she sends throughout the day.

This is the curse of every man: to find yourself the close friend to a woman who is perfect for you, and whom you are perfect for as well…but she is too stupid to admit it and give you a chance.

man-feeding-girl1She says she doesn’t care about looks so much as finding her soulmate, but you know as well as I do that is a lie. Looks matter more to her than they do to anyone else, but you can’t say anything about it without revealing how you really feel.

And let’s be honest: she knows how you feel. She may be stupid enough to constantly chase after “bad boys” when she knows they’re going to break her heart, but she’s not so stupid that she can’t read the wistful look in your eyes as you listen to her drone on again about your dreams and wishes for the future.

We are the one man who would actually appreciate you. You wouldn’t have to call us to “see where this relationship is going”…you would never doubt how we feel. 9259When we kiss you, we are the one who doesn’t automatically add to you a tally of running chicks we’ve bagged, but who appreciates this for the amazing moment it is. And if some glorious day we are finally allowed to share your bed we are the one who will put everything we are into making that night incredible for you, and not just another notch in our bedpost for us. We may not look like Brad Pitt, but I swear we can make you feel like you’ve just experienced the living embodiment of love-making rather than the “Ok, I’m done, see you in the morning” sex you get from you “Mister Right Now”. You want what you see in the movies…that is us, given the chance.

So here comes my gripe: Ladies, I am officially removing the2heads privilege you have of talking to a lovestruck “friend” complaining about how you’ll never find someone to care about you. Complain to your girlfriends, your mom, or your sister, but don’t come to us about it. If we are important enough to you that you will invest 40% or more of your life to, then we are important enough to deserve a shot at your love. Hey, maybe we try and it won’t happen–and if not, we can live with that–but at least give us the opportunity to screw things up and not have to play “What If?” for the rest of our lives.

Imagine this, ladies: one day you look across the kitchen table at the man bedtalkyou’ve woken up next to for the past ten years and suddenly realize he’s still your best friend in the world! He still listens to your boring childhood stories with rapt attention and knows the exact trinket to pick up at the mall for you on his way home to cheer you up when you’re depressed. And it all changed when you decided there was a certain sexiness in friendship after all.

And you’ll be glad you gave him the chance.

Oh, and when that happens, you can thank me for saying to your face what your “friend” has been telling his buddies over his beer for the past hundred months.

Best friends can make the best lovers and spouses.

And that’s the truth.

80 Responses to Time to Exit the Friend Zone

  1. This is a good article. More women (and men) need to read this.

    • aim says:

      It is a great article. funny I never really heard of the friend zone until this guy (that adored and was interested in) panicked because I said that is what friends are for when I did him a favor. guys that listen to you and don’t want to be in the friend zone are the best lovers.

    • Robyn says:

      For years (from 7th grade on) a guy I considered my best guy friend, Mike, kept asking me out and we’de “go out’ for a few days or even hours sometimes before i’de feel weird and break it off. in retrospect i was completely blinded by this manipulative jerk all middle school and high school and failed to even notice how much Mike truly cared about me. Things with the jerk fizzled off (aka- he cheated and left me for a friend). Mike and I went off to separate colleges and by chance one day we started to text again. By that weekend I was at his college reunited and i realized what i had been missing. On a rooftop looking at all the city lights and over the river at the skyline of New york City (he goes to school in Newark NJ) he asked me to be his girlfriend, i said yes and for good this time. He is the greatest thing that has ever happen to me and i will spend the rest of our lives making up for what i did to him in our past. i hope he reads this <3 I love you.

    • Ahren says:

      Would love to see the ages of those who’ve replied. I’ve seen the FZ 3 times in my teens and 20s… only to have them circle back once they discovered I was single on Facebook in my 30s. Once would be rare. Three for three :-)

      It’s true that “you really don’t know anything before you’re 35″. All who are younger will disagree, but I guarantee everyone over 35 will agree.

      Women test guys all the time, especially the best-looking. The trick is to buck up and grow a pair (then be consistent). But, when you do go from dude to sir, you may just figure out that you we’re wasting your time ;-)

  2. Timo Kvamme says:

    Best Article i ever read, agree with every word.

  3. winelips says:

    no one can MAKE themselves like someone in that way.

    if this girl was able to see you as a lover, don’t you think she already would? attraction just doesn’t work that way – unfortunately.

    doesn’t mean there’s not an amazing woman out there that will love you. it’s just not that one you’re pining over.

    • sp89416 says:

      Love = friendship + affection/sex. Without friendship, you cannot have love.

    • pinksky says:

      You know i understand if a girl is complaining she cant find a bf. But here theres another issue. Doenst friendship mean anything for the guys that if the girl doesnt want a relationship shes a bitch and they should walk away? I had a friend for more than a year. He told me he liked me some time ago but i didnt, so he stopped talking to me cause he said he doesnt want to be in the friendzone. After some time we started seing each other again and i thought he was over it. I even told him a big truth for me, which is that i like girls. He was ok with that but a few minutes later he asked if there ever was a chance that we could be together. I said no of course, cmon i like girls. Anyway since then he hasnt talked much to me, he is short, and i fear we will distanciate again. So wtf guys, you never cared about friendship right? Everything is sex for you?

      • thetruthfulman says:

        That’s not it necessarily. Perhaps your friend really has strong feelings for you, and realizes that spending time with you won’t make them go away. Instead, he knows he’ll just be hoping for a relationship while you’ve made it plain there can’t ever be any. If you were in love with someone and they told you flat-out that it was never going to happen, I doubt you’d spend a lot of time around that person. Not because “everything is sex for you”, but because you’re a person with feelings desperately wanting those feelings reciprocated. Don’t be so hard on your friend. Unless he specifically said “Hey, any chance we could ever have sex?” (which isn’t want you said), then I’d say he was looking for a real relationship. While that’s not what you’re wanting from him, a lot of other ladies out there would jump at a guy ready to commit. At least he did you the favor of walking away rather than making the relationship uncomfortable for you both by constantly trying to take it to the next step.

  4. Penny says:

    If the chicken shit “friends” made their intentions clear this problem could also be alleviated. If you don’t want to be a lap dog, leave. But then “OH NOES, you have to be responsible for your own failure.” You can’t blame the women anymore.

    Women date assholes because assholes ask them out on dates as opposed to stare wistfully and wait for the universe to deliver the supermodel they are, obviously, owed.

    Perhaps less time bemoaning your “nice guy” status and more time time developing social skills.

    • Pat says:

      You are one of those women that say that they want a guy that listens to them and is like there best friend but can’t see past your nose to the guy that adores you. Too bad for you, I hope you have alot of asshole boydfriends that treat you like crap!!!

      • Brooke says:

        No, I totally agree Penny. Guys who are in the friend zone are usually there because they don’t have the guts to ask her out. Maybe we as girls are stupid, because we don’t know a guy likes us unless they make a move or say something. And no, that “wistful look” in your eyes does not tell us all we need to know. Psychic we are not. Who knows, maybe she keeps talking about how she could find a guy like you because she does want you, and just doesn’t know how you feel about her. You will never know unless you man up and say something to her.

      • Ryan says:

        Brooke heres one thing. I’ve been the bestfriend, i’ve been the lover. The one girl i’ve been “pining” over is pretty close to me. I take her for coffee have a good time with her. I am the firned. BUT i’ve also confessed my feelings to her. she shot me down in an instant because im a “nice guy and dont want to ruin out friendship” but thats life. Not all “best friends” are the spineless people who watch. Believe me.

    • Dj.deandre says:

      as a reply to penny;p i did ask my love out and i also regret spending a good year of my life chasing that puta around like i was her fucking lap dog but the thing is its not that i didnt have the balls to ask her out, its that she couldn’t see that i had the potential boyfriend no… the only obstacle was in her mind. i asked her out (twice) and she said no…. but whatever. most of the time(from my experience anyway this is not the first time it happened) its not because the dude is not making himself clear.. its because the woman does not want him as a mate… im just glad im not her whipped ass little bitch anymore .you shouldn’t make assumptions that nice guys are in the friend zone because we do not make our feelings clear. most of the time its is your fault we are in the friend zone…
      end of rant

      • catface says:

        dude, you can’t blame a girl for not having feelings for you. if you ask a girl out and she says no, she’s most likely not attracted to you. move on. you have autonomy- nobody forced you to follow her around. you just seem bitter that she didn’t like you and you wasted time, which is fair enough, but part of being an adult is recognising your own part in things.
        SHE was not attracted to you. maybe she should have made it clearer. but YOU chose to keep trying despite rejection.
        the friendzone exists because either people don’t ask or don’t get the message when they’re turned down.

  5. thetruthfulman says:

    This wasn’t actually for me since I’m married and all, but it’s for every guy who sits and is told time and again about how rough the dating life is by the girl of their dreams.

    And as for being responsible for your own failure, I believe you’ll see that’s what this whole post was about. All the “guy friend” is asking for is a simple chance to succeed OR fail. It’s easy to live with the knowledge you were given a chance and failed. It’s NOT easy to live with the “what might have been” syndrome all their life. The problem is that a lot of women prefer the “safety guy” as a nice non-committal cushion in their life, while the guy pines away for her. They already listen and have the “social skills” the girl wants since she burns up the phone talking to them…it’s just a matter of having the chance.

  6. Angie says:

    OMG! I am so tired of reading the same articles about the “nice guy” who never gets the selfless devotion he doles out reciprocated by this “goddess” he supposedly loves. Here’s a clue, if she weren’t a selfish bitch who only cares about Her life and HER hair and HER problems, then you wouldn’t be in this situation. Furthermore, why don’t you go out and find a nice girl who has been playing the same role for her guy friends and settle down? Oh yeah, that’s right, because you can’t deny that you would rather drool over a girl way out of your league than look twice at a girl who might not be as “perfect” as your ad-induce male fantasies tell you she should be.
    Not that I’m bitter, lol.

    • Dj.deandre says:

      i actually fell hard for an ugly Betty….. she broke my heart to, i asked her out and we went out for about 3 maybe 4 days and then she broke up with me (and she was a nice girl)….. and you do sound bitter
      nice guys always end up in the friend zone don’t talk about hing you don’t understand or haven’t experienced

  7. Suz says:

    The problem is, we can’t control who we are sexually attracted to. If the spark isn’t there, even after months of sharing and bonding, it almost certainly never will be. And the difference between being physically attracted and not is the difference between a boyfriend and a friend.

    For women, my guess is it has more to do with pheromones or some other chemical reaction based on whether the man is a genetically good fit than it does with how good-looking a guy is (although that does factor in). Men are much more influenced by looks.

    How many “Ugly Bettys” of the world have guy friends pining over them? I wonder how the average smitten guy would feel if his friend suddenly gained 75 lbs, her hair began to thin, and developed a bad case of eczema or acne, and all his buddies gave him weird looks for even talking to her. My guess is that most men (not necessarily you) would suddenly be very happy that the former would-be love of their life is planted firmly in the friend zone.

    It’s easy to say it’s not about her looks–when she’s got them. I’m sure it’s not the whole package, or even the most important part. But just as yeast makes up such a tiny fraction of the ingredients in a loaf of bread and yet it’s indispensable to the making of it, most crushes on girl friends would not exist if the friend was not good looking. In the same way, if she is not physically attracted to you for whatever reason, any relationship past the friend zone will almost inevitably fall flat.

  8. Matt says:

    I went through a situation like this in high school and early college. She’d come over and light up my world day after day, but would constantly bemoan her relationships with other guys that would end up treating her like shit. Years later after we had gone our separate ways I finally worked up the nerve to tell her outright how I felt and, go figure, things never coalesced from there.

    And how could it? I had built this image of the perfect woman in my head that would be impossible for her to live up to. And while I was having sleepless nights wondering what more I could do, I was nothing more a distant memory for her.

    Thing is, I don’t blame her for not wanting to be with me. I’m sure looks have something to do with it, but it’s mostly because I was a complete chickenshit about girls. I still think we would have been great together, but I never had the nerve to tell her how completely in love I was with her. I tried to hint at it periodically, but that’s not enough.

    Advice for all these “nice guys” out there. Own up to your situation. Do. Not. Wait. If you let it sit and gestate in your head, be prepared to live with that ghost for years.

  9. Shannon says:

    I’m a woman who has been on both sides of this situation (believe me, women can end up in the “friend zone” too, and it sucks just as much for us — there’s nothing like hearing a man that you’re totally in love with talk about the girl he slept with 2 nights ago and how she gives great blowjobs.)

    I understand where you’re coming from, I really do. But haven’t you ever been in a situation where you had a close female friend that you thought was awesome in nearly every way, but you just weren’t attracted to her? It doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s “unattractive”, and other guys might find her a total knockout. But for whatever reason, you just didn’t feel that kind of chemistry with her. Maybe she wasn’t in love with you either, so maybe it wasn’t an issue.

    I know that some girls abuse the privilege of their close guy friends. But i think it’s unfair to get all pissy or act like girls are intentionally trying to hurt guys in this situation, or act like we’re just extremely shallow. Some girls are shallow, yes. but appearance matters to EVERYONE, and even if you’re dealing with someone who isn’t “unattractive”, it’s possible to just . . . not be attracted to them. For no reason at all. Attraction very rarely makes logical sense. And if you’re not attracted to someone, you’re not attracted to them — you can’t MAKE yourself be attracted to them. It’s not being vindictive or mean, it’s just being honest and knowing that a relationship will never work with someone that doesn’t make your heart race and your palms sweat at least a little bit.

    Many girls are naturally more affectionate than guys, and enjoy cuddling with people that they have no “romantic” feelings for — male and female. Guys are often not that way, and reserve any kind of physical affection for someone they’re romantically involved with. If this is a problem for you, it’s up to you to set boundaries and stand up for yourself and your emotional health. Don’t allow yourself to become a doormat and then bitch about it later, that’s not fair to us and it’s not helping you. If a girl is treating you like a doormat in a friendship she is likely to treat you even more like a doormat in a relationship . . . so why are you in love with her again?

    Yes, sometimes great friends can suddenly discover that they have an attraction to each other, and become amazing boyfriends/girlfriends, lovers, and spouses. Sometimes. More often than not, though, it doesn’t happen. Think of all the hundreds of people you pass each day that you’re not attracted to. Is it your fault that you’re not attracted to them? No — it’s just a bio-chemical thing that you have no control over. You cannot MAKE yourself be attracted to them. Own up, be a man, and stop blaming women for not buying into your fantasy world.

  10. Ariaan says:

    The horrible truth, most off the time they know you have/had a crush on them.

    And some wonder why people go suicidal ;)

  11. gina94984 says:

    sometimes we make mistakes too. like thinking that one time was a mistake. and we sure wish you would say something along the lines of no it wasn’t a big mistake. but you see, you are dating other women and even though you are still there for us, we think that we have to be mature and not pressure you and we listen to all your pissing and moaning too and we’re there for you. i know this is true because it happened to me.

  12. Natasha says:

    I loved this article. I am currently just realizing that there could be something more between my best guy friend and I. One of our friends has told me that he has had a crush on me for the best few years and we have always acted like a couple, without being one. I definitely think that more men and women need to read this article.

  13. Tony says:

    I’m in that situation and have been for more then a decade. We actually started out as lovers and then I broke it off after a few weeks. Then we became friends. In that time I have dated many women and even been married. In that time she has dated many men but never married (all her relationships fall apart after about 2 years). She is very bright, very kind, does not date “assholes” but is constantly looking for someone who will be more emotionally intimate with her – like I am (her words).

    I have told her how I feel about her – more then once. Usually it comes out when one or both of us is involved with someone else so the “no, I don’t feel that way” comes easy with a built in excuse. But now I am single and her current relationship is on the skids. It won’t be long and we will both be single.

    After a lot of counseling I came to the conclusion that I have done what I can do. She knows who I am and what we are like together. She knows what I am offering. If she really wants that lifetime relationship with true emotional intimacy she knows where to find it. If she wants to pursue that giddy “I’m falling in love with a stranger” feeling she can find that every 2 years for the rest of her life and I can’t stop her from doing that.

    It’s like chasing a butterfly in a field. You likely won’t catch it and if you do you will likely damage its wings. But if you sit down and are very still – maybe (just maybe) it will come and lite upon you.

    T.

  14. Kunal says:

    this is your first post i am reading and by no means the last. unless the earth gets destroyed of course.[;)]
    true to the last word. most of the girls are so busy telling their sad stories to realize that the guy who can change it all is listening them that very moment..

  15. Leigh says:

    Guys, I’m sorry to say it goes in the other direction, too.

  16. Wow! You have a gift for words! And great content.

    Damn! I wish I was as good!

    How do I subscribe?

    Thanks
    JARichards

  17. Amar says:

    Wow!!!! good article dude…after a long time got a good article to share……..

  18. I totally agree with everything written in this article.
    It’s just a fact: Nice guys finish last…

  19. Paopao says:

    I am a kind of girl who was ‘into’ manipulative, persuasive, and ‘busy’ guy for a long time. He tried to convince me that he loved me throught the year without taking any action to visit. One day, I decided to go to Europe to see him.

    I stopped by at this “friend” first, I knew that this guy liked me for a long time but I thought he wasn’t exciting enough. I ignored all the friendship and the effort he gave me and convinced myself that the business guy would love me more.

    I met him and right before Christmas, the business guy wrote me “You can see how my life is like and there’s no life for a relationship”.

    It was only 2 days before Christmas and I was totally alone. Yes, I was sad and it was a coincident that the “friend” called me…

    “You’re the last person in the world who should spend Christmas alone”, he said and invited me to his home.

    It turned out that I was the only girl that he had ever invited home!

    The more I know him, the more I appreciated who he is. He is not that confident or handsome but whatever he says or does came straight from his heart. I can feel it so well.

    He has all the time in the world. He always be so open and listens to me. He supports me in whatever I choose to do. And he makes a room for me in his place and his life.

    In the end, when I had to come back home, he told me that he was “serious” about me and asked if I felt the same. He wanted to spend his life with me.

    Of course, he didn’t have any stable career like the first guy he met. But he promised to work extra job and come to live in my country.

    He will find a job here and spend a couple of years here and we can go back together.

    He gave me the card before I got on the plane, it wrote:

    “P. I can not promise you a luxurious or victorious life, but I can promise you that I will love you and do everything I can to make you happy. I can’t wait to hold you in my arms again”.

    Y

  20. Kat says:

    I’ve known so many great guys, sweet, romantic, thoughtful guys, movie-esque guys, who are broken down by awful women who do this to them. I’ve seen them see the assholes get the girls over and over and over and over until they can’t deny the success, until they’re so jaded that they start to actually believe that nice guys finish last.

    Women have this fantasy, you see, where they (we, I suppose, but I’ve thankfully cast it off) want to change a man. We want to take this spitting drunken jackass who doesn’t care what anyone thinks and thinks only about himself, and we want him to be so enamored with us, so deeply and so passionately that he changes himself just to be with us, just to make us happy.

    Some women, like myself, identify that after a couple of bad-boy boyfriends and realize it’s bullshit, it doesn’t happen, and the sweetheart you’ve been complaining to might be a better target. I went down that road and I had an unbelievable, cinematic, passionate relationship for 2 and a half years with a nice guy. Yes, nice guys CAN be and often ARE passionate.

    (I also realized that nerds make the best boyfriends for loads and loads of reasons.)

    Friends first is a great way to go, and I largely blame women for the presence of so many jackasses like the guys who wrote “The Game” and such — they woudn’t do those manipulative things if it didn’t work, but it does, because women are so damn shortsighted.

  21. Kym says:

    I use to work on race cars and my crew chief was my friend. I was dating another guy that proposed to me on the racetrack. When I went back to my pit, my crew chief looked at the huge diamond on my finger and said “If you throw it into the dirt, I’ll buy you a new one” That was the first after a year and a half of knowing him that he told me how he felt. I later found out that he loved me from the first time he saw me. I married my crew chief. You have to take a chance and tell the person you love that you love them. It may turn out like my story or not, but you may be robbing yourself of the love of a lifetime unless you are willing to take the risk. This year we will be celebrating our 19th anniversary!

  22. Paopao says:

    I totally agree.

    “The Game” can get some girls into bed but it definitely doesn’t last long…

    Being manipulative means a girl can’t tell if the guy who is trying to convince you is actually lying or not because he’s so damn good at it. He begins to ask for more…and more…without being considersate.

    Nice guys: Words = Actions = Giving+ Taking

    Assholes: Words+ Taking > Actions+ Giving

    Nice guys: a little naive and shy when he first met you

    Assholes: go straight to conversation, compliment, courtship without any hesitation

    Nice guys: Listen and figure out who you really are

    Assholes: Talk about himself, his business (the glory of it), how rich he is, how girls had fallen in love with him…etc. and rarely listen! (actually they didn’t even care much about you but just wanted to give the impression that they did)

    Nice guys: give everything(even he didn’t have much), risk his future plans, set a new priority, make a new space in his room, send flowers even he never liked the idea, show you his world (friends, family, etc.)

    Assholes: may take you to 5-star places but when it was over, it’s really over. Constantly say “sorry” for being busy …

    Nice guys: doesn’t finish …because they’ll always be there…

    Assholes: finish alone. (no matters how many they has slept with.

  23. I am positively sure that most often, nice guys finish last. With ‘nice’ I don’t mean a ‘friendly gentleman’. The problem is, that nice guys are nice for a manipulative reason! They want to get into the pants of women with just being nice – they are afraid to be a MAN! (MEN are SOMETIMES nice, and if necessary strong and alpha-males)

    Nice guys are ALWAYS nice – it’s manipulative!

    I have collected some articles and written on this subject here:

    http://www.ultrafeel.tv/sex-why-nice-guys-dont-have-any/

    (Moderator, if it’s not allowed to post links, please just delete the link, not the whole post.
    Thank you!)

    • bobby says:

      so alpha males don’t want to get into pants?ever guy (nice,alpha,asshole) wants sex ..face it pal. nice guys are nice because they respect women too much to hurt them(exactly the opposite of assholes). if nice guys had malicious and manipulative intentions they wouldn’t spend most of their time paying so much close attention to the women they love.

  24. Tony says:

    Folks,

    I just read the above link by “fun-da-mental” and it struck me as agreeing more with this article then disagreeing.

    Yes at some point it says that there are some men who use “nice” as a manipulation and that that is a failing tactic. But it points out that being a “bad-boy just to get in the sack” is self destructive and ultimately a failed tactic as well.

    It then takes women to task for hypocrisy much more aggressively then the above article. And recommends that men, as a solution to this dilemma, stop enabling women by allowing them to separate sexual desire from emotional intimacy by refusing to be that emotional support or at least call their women friends on their behavior.

    In some respects that is what I was saying in my post above. I recognize my friend’s patterns. Its not that she is chasing “bad boys” she is just chasing the thrill of being with a stranger. She is more then attractive enough to keep doing this all of her life. And who knows maybe she will get lucky (people do win the lottery). I’m not going to abandon her but I’m not putting my life on hold to find out either.

    She knows what I offer (I’ve told her), she knows where I am, if she ever wakes up and figures it out – well I hope for her sake we are both single.

    T

  25. Rachel says:

    This article is very true! BUT sometimes the opposite is true as well.

    It doesn’t matter though becaise I married my best friend and he married his and now we are a happy married couple! hehe

  26. Sian says:

    Wow. Delusion is fun isn’t it? Girls like that nice guy because he is funny, understanding, great conversationalist, best friend etc etc etc… but you know what? All that is just fine, but you’ll only ever be a friend cause you’re simply not good looking enough. Or your job is shit. Maybe try working out more?

    Sad but true guys. No one likes a beta male…

  27. Jenni says:

    This is me, i was one of those girls. I gave my best friend a go and now he is my husband and we are still best friends…

  28. Great post! It happens so often that friendship grows into love.

  29. Aaron says:

    Amen Brother!

  30. Warren says:

    Wow Suz, You hit the nail on the head here:

    “It’s easy to say it’s not about her looks–when she’s got them. ”

    Egggzackly!

    I’m one of those 1 in 9999 guys who used to be stuck there in the ‘friend zone’ with a girl who had a head full of air, and a beautiful body. Now I’m engaged to an amazing woman, who I find very attractive, who I love deeply, and who loves me back. We’re committed to each other, we’re engaged to be married. We’re right for each other.

    Our relationship is not based purely on sexual attraction. What if that went away? Even if it did, we would have a solid love, relationship, and a promise that each of us can rely on, from the other.

    Even when we’re both old and wrinkly as prunes, I know I will still love her more than all of that.

    Given that level of trust, I think that the attraction and love will be safe, and will grow and grow, over our life together. Because it ain’t about sex, or the friend zone, my friends. It’s about love. Learn to love. Not pine. LOVE. Love means saying goodbye to this unhealthy ‘friend-zone’ relationship, and moving on with your life. She doesn’t want a friend, she’s using you, Mr Friendzone. So stop letting her walk all over you. Goodbye.

    Maybe where I disagree with Suz, is that I think it’s not at all about “control over who is sexually attractive”. It’s not about sex at all, let alone sexual attraction. Sex is part of a relationship, it isn’t the whole relationship. Go learn how to be someone who can handle a lifelong relationship. Learn to love and be loved. And let your life unfold as it should. Stop freezing the DVD on the second chapter and playing it over and over and over.

    Warren

  31. Meera says:

    But sometimes you want different things in a man, or a friend. My best friend likes me…alot. But I don’t feel the same way at all. Sure I love him, but as a friend. And I don’t want to lose his friendship. If I gave in and went out with him then it wouldn’t last and it would ruin everything. He’s to immature, which makes him fun to hang out with, but not to date.

    • Josh says:

      This is exactly what the article is about. All we are asking is to give that friend of yours a chance see where it goes and if he fucks up and you both are not romantically right for each other then you can stay friends with him forever. The way you’re treating him (by not giving him that chance) is in some ways selfish because he will always be running in his head the ‘what if’ scenario until he finally has had enough then you’ll lose that ‘friendship’ for good. Of cause this is just an extreme case scenario but the article speaks the true, being in the friend zone is the worst feeling for man or woman.

  32. alexander says:

    i hate you penny. please pass away.

  33. steve says:

    Nope. It doesn’t work either way. Murphy’s law. If you’re in that position then it WON’T work out. Waiting for it to work out won’t help. Telling her how you feel and trying to force a discussion out of it won’t work. Changing yourself completely to try and fit the complete jerk stereotype she spends every second talking to you about how she loves them and hates herself for it won’t either. You won’t win, but don’t whine about it. Just move on, lower your standards and realize the perfect guy doesn’t get the perfect girl. He “settles”.

  34. annie says:

    Yeah. I was that girl…complaining to my best guy friend about my love life and he wanted more. I knew he liked me and finally i gave in and decided to see where it went. I ended up falling head over heels in love with him and then he broke my heart into pieces.

    no one is innocent.

  35. It’s may be hard to do, but accept that you’re just never going to be more than friends and move on. Everyone should want to be with someone who wants to be with them. Why settle for less?

  36. 5AM says:

    Thank heavens I’m usually the asshole that the girls talk about.

  37. Word. Reminds of that line in the Simpsons where Millhouse tells Lisa “Hey, what’s a big sister for?”

  38. Dominick says:

    Pro tip:

    go after girls that like you. You don’t have to work as hard.

  39. drewaustin says:

    Here is some advice if you would like to keep a relationship in the friend zone. There is a fine platonic line that sometimes you just don’t want to cross.

    http://www.precioustimeny.com/blog/?p=1434

  40. giggity says:

    I’m in this situation right now, I’m in love with this girl and she knows it, we’ve made out before too but she kind of rejected me after, we didn’t cut ties there luckily and stayed in touch. Apparently she just sees me as a friend (she’s never given me the opportunity either to let me prove that we could be a great couple.)and I hate it so much, it makes me emotional. Hearing stories of guys abusing her and breaking her heart even though I’d never do that. It really makes me want to cry.

  41. [...] Time to Exit the Friend’s Zone (thetruthfulman.wordpress.com) [...]

  42. Juhku says:

    Great article, loved every bit of it! It’s great because it’s true, kudos!

  43. Peter White says:

    I don’t believe nice guys finish last, only nice guys that don’t understand how to be an attractive man to any woman, finishes last. The nice guy that you describe being stuck in this terrible friend’s zone relationship, put himself there.

    Is it her fault he failed to be a real man to her from the beginning?

    Is is her fault she did not feel attracted to someone?

    Is there a switch located somewhere on a woman where controls what she feels?

    I’m sure plenty of guys would pay to find out where that is, because it is the easy way out, or in. To them, it’s always easier just to blame others and harbor bitter feelings about it.

    I was that man you described above and I also felt exactly as you convey in your writing. Except that part of me is long gone because I realized that switch I mentioned above was located on me, and not her.

  44. Kimberly says:

    Absolut B——t.

    We put you in the Friend Zone because we don’t want your penis anywhere NEAR us. You will escape it on the same day overweight women you’re not attracted to escape The Fat Zone.

    Dig it.

  45. yyy says:

    I’m sorry but, only EXTREMELY beautiful women have some nice guy that hangs around her like a lost puppy. It is NOT AT ALL easy for a woman that isn’t stunning. Most of us don’t have lapdogs. If you are a woman’s lapdog, you should treat yourself with some self-respect. How hypocritical is it to say a woman is complaing about her “bad luck” and “dating assholes” and spurned by losers, when you are doing the same?

    Honestly, I am a girl, and in the FRIEND ZONE with a guy I like. I am in the friend zone either because I haven’t made a move, because I’m not attractive enough, or because I’m not the right fit. I’m not accusing him of being superficial, and I’m not accusing him of “not being able to see what’s right in front of him”. Either grow some balls or accept the truth. Never criticize others for your own deficiencies.

    • thetruthfulman says:

      Dear yyy,

      Guys don’t keep girls on as “Friend Zone” material that often. We don’t have to. If a guy hangs around a girl often, then there is something about that girl that catches him. Perhaps it’s her laugh, or the way she looks at him, or the fact that she listens when he needs a friend…but for regular friends, guys hang around with other guys. If your friend is showing such interest in you, I encourage you to at least broach the subject in a joke about how you two should start going out or something. You might be pleasantly surprised by how he reacts. Maybe he’s the one too scared to make the move.

      • Dj.deandre says:

        i tottaly agree with you if you read my comment above i actually fell for an ugly friend of mine

    • Lemmy says:

      I’m only young (17) and my self think I’m in the friend zone or we both don’t want to screw up our friendship. This girl is georgous as but I think I like is the personality. If I found her with out her being beaultiful as hell with the same personality and was her exactly with out the body, I doubt I would treat her any differently, of course the attraction to body and etc helps, but also it is how you present yourself. At least this is my naive view of someone who is a nice shy only just friend starting to make friends person. Even though everything I do for her, I would do for another friend, maybe I just need to be more assertive. But I don’t think only hot girls can get a guy who isn’t an arsehole. Also I personally might seem a sexual or something but it’s because it isn’t something to brag about or share, it is an intimate thing between the two involved.

      PS. sorry for anything not making sense it is hard to read over after on an iPod also this is on a naive view from someone whom has has no girlfriend and no sexual anything.

  46. [...] It is so eerily close to what that man I mentioned above went through. Here is the article link, Time to Exit the Friend Zone You with me so far? Good. If you feel you can relate to any of what you just read keep reading. I [...]

  47. Zach says:

    Amen to this article. Still in the process of getting over it since it only happened 3 weeks ago. Weird how hooking up can ruin the best friendships. I’m only 18, but maybe its a lesson we’re all supposed to learn. Getting over it makes us stronger and more prepared for the next time. Even so, I’ll still be the nice guy because if the world was only filled with those “assholes” we listen to you complain about, it’d be a pretty shitty world.

  48. Toni Streed says:

    As I website possessor I believe the content matter here is rattling wonderful , appreciate it for your efforts. You should keep it up forever! Good Luck.

  49. SUCKER says:

    Brother, you are singing to the chior.

  50. Tony says:

    Wow, this article is still getting comments?!?!? If you look all the way back at the top to 2009 you will find my first comment.

    Just as an update to my fellow “friend zoners” the woman in question managed to save her relationship and they have now been together longer than any other relationship she has had (5 whole years!). It may last, it may not – I care only in that I hate to see her suffering when a relationship ends and if this one ends she is really going to suffer (we are both in our 40’s so it gets harder to believe that you can have a lasting relationship when you haven’t had one yet).

    But the reason I don’t care is that I met someone and now I am seeing what I was missing. All that love, adoration and devotion that I wanted from Miss Friend Zone I am now getting in spades. All of that lust and desire that never seemed to come from the friend is coming off of the lover in waves. This is what I have been wanting and would never have gotten from Miss Friend. At best it would have been a pale imitation – a contrivance to try and convince me or her or both of us that this could work. It never would have.
    I’m lucky that I did not escape the friend zone. It would have been a short ugly relationship and I might have missed something that burns like a sun instead of something that would have flashed like a match and then fizzled out.

    Tony

  51. Best way to stay out the friend zone is don’t be friends. usually if i have my sights on a shorty i’ll let her know, so if we click then word and if we don’t then she’ll just be another “friend”.

  52. Rob says:

    I met this slightly older gal than me who I am attracted to. After hearing all of the excuse in the book as to why we’re not good for one another and that we’re just good friends, I am frustrated. She calls and asks for help etc…no problem. I once told her id move on and she said that the situation could change. SLowly but surely I am not answering phone calls right off the bat and she is complaining. Somebody better pull their head out of their ass or i’m gone!!!

  53. B says:

    What many women (and men) don’t seem to get is that chemistry is not an all or nothing deal. It can develop and grow over time. The thing is, if people aren’t attracted to someone else for whatever reason, then they are not inclined to try and develop that chemistry, and that’s where problems arise. If only there was a way to get people to TRY being in a relationship they never considered. And yeah, if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work, but it’s still worth the shot, is it not?

  54. 18yrvirgin says:

    Ariaan says:
    March 3, 2009 at 3:23 am
    The horrible truth, most off the time they know you have/had a crush on them.

    And some wonder why people go suicidal

    counselors says:
    June 25, 2011 at 6:10 am
    Best way to stay out the friend zone is don’t be friends. usually if i have my sights on a shorty i’ll let her know, so if we click then word and if we don’t then she’ll just be another “friend”.

    so true

  55. Charsi says:

    Yes, she may be the type who can’t read your mind. I, for example, was never able to read anything from the eyes. Maybe, when complaining why she can’t find someone like you, she is just waiting for you to ask: “what about me?”. But I also agree with that attraction doesn’t work by pushing a button on ourselves, after logically deciding what is (theoretically) perfect for us. You don’t decide either that the cruel shrew doesn’t deserve your love, then make yourself forget her. And even companionship requires two or more individual personalities who maybe don’t serve each other perfectly, but certainly give much more to that companionship than echo the others’ speech and make up the others’ order instead of being themselves. That’s just a comfortable loneliness, which even an ordinary pet can excel.

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